


voices in our heads

by sincerlyconnor



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, Aromantic Jenna, Asexual Christine Canigula, Autism Spectrum, Bi Jeremy, Depression, Drug Use, Everyone's friends, Everyones perfect, Gay Michael Mell, INCREDIBLY SLOW BURN, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Jake "internalized homophobia" dillinger, Jenna's sexual orientation is gossip, M/M, MOSTLY MICHAEL CENTRIC, Multi, Pining, Post-Squip, TRANS GIRL JENNA ROLAN, Teenage struggles, Trans Female Character, Unrequited Crush, add, aka weed, as the story developes, bi rich, bisexual brooke, chloe's kind of a bitch, like seriously it's so slow, messes, messy relationships, no one not even me knows whos gonna end up together, so much pining, squip squad, we'll see who's endgame, whos endgame? we'll never know
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-16
Updated: 2017-12-15
Packaged: 2019-02-15 10:18:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13028970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sincerlyconnor/pseuds/sincerlyconnor
Summary: Eight teenagers sit around a table, all different and all similar in different days.After all the drama with the squip is over, more struggles arise in the form of unrequited crushes, pining, friendships, and the grapple of teenage popularity.





	voices in our heads

**Author's Note:**

> A FEW NOTES !! READ THESE BEFORE READING FIRST CHAPTER  
> 1- I made Jenna trans, because,,, i havent seen that before and i love jenna so, yes representation!!  
> 2- Michael is on the autism spectrum which will be explained more. i think it's a very overlooked issue and i'd love to have that kind of representation as well.  
> 3- the relationships and feelings are gonna be confusing as FUCk  
> 4- i don't know whos gonna end up together and i'm writing it that way on purpose. i want there to be mystery and excitement.  
> 5- chapters after this one will be more fluid, i wrote this choppy for a reason and they will be MUCH better written after i promise  
>  SEE NEXT NOTES FOR MORE

In suburban New Jersey, in a school often looked over, there was a table that sat eight students everyday for lunch.

Michael Mell, one of the first openly gay students to grace their high school. He had a strange love for vintage items and collectables, and a adoration for slushees and weed.

Rich Goranksi, the loud bisexual that had burns scattering his ivory skin from a few months back. After the Squip being removed, he was rambunctious, but a lispy nerd nonetheless.

Brooke Lohst had a kind heart and though she was slightly air headed, she also was incredibly smart and insightful. She had gelid blue eyes that somehow calmed the people around her.

Jake Dillinger, the jock that struggled with _so much_ but talked about _so little._ He loved his friends and he loved football; he's your classic jock with a side of internalized homophobia.

Chloe Valentine, the school bitch with a chip on her shoulder. While she cared deep down she refused to admit it, leaving the others wondering why she even stuck around.

Jenna Rolan, the only Trans Girl in the school stuck her nose in everyone's business but after all, all she wanted to do was help. She was kind and responsible and that's what people admired.

Christine Canigula. One of the most popular girls in school with ADD and every Shakespeare play memorized. She was beloved and adored.

Then, Jeremy Heere, the school loser turned cool guy, newly boyfriend of Christine Canigula and best friend of Michael Mell. He was the one who bonded the friendships of all these people.

* * *

 

"Guys if I fail this physics test I'm taking you all down with me," Chloe groans as she plops down. Brooke chuckles and sits beside her, pulling Michael down to sit to her left.

Surprisingly, Brooke and Michael were quick friends. Despite Brooke only being bisexual, they were kind of like gay best friends. He gives a smile to Christine as she settles beside him.

"I'll say," Rich sits across from Michael and gives said boy a small smile. "Physics is fucking dumb,"

This was their routine for lunch at school, or at least is has been after the play and squip incident.

The table all take a moment of quiet for them to get settled; Jeremy takes the seat next to Christine for the sake of dating. On the other side of Rich sat Jake, and the posse was complete.

"It's uneven," Michael says softly, blushing slightly as everyone looks at him. "Five on this side three on that one," It bothers him, the imbalance, but he doesn't like the worry of them judging him even more. "Sorry I'll shut up," He laughs uncomfortably.

"No Michael I got it," Jeremy stands and shifts to the other side adjacent to Jake, voice reassuring. "So, there's another play happening in a month,"

Christine perks up. "Ah yes! I'm so elated, I can't wait to find out what it's gonna be!" She giggles and it seems everyone looks at her fondly.

"We need to organize a hangout," Rich busts in, dipping the schools attempt at french fries into ketchup.

"You're right," Jake responds with certainty. "It might be hard since there are-" He pauses to count them, making the others smile. "Eight of us, but we just need a time and place."

Jenna leans over the table and grins. "I vote Chloe's house, she has a killer pool,"

Murmurs of agreement erupt and Jenna looks proud of herself

"Shouldn't I have a say in this?" Chloe jested. "But yes, my house works. Everyone free this Saturday? All in favor say Ay,"

A large chorus of 'Ays' are spoken.

"Pool party!" Rich sings

"Perfect," Jeremy grins.

* * *

"I'm so tired of constant shit talking with Chloe," Brooke hesitated, arm linked with Michael's as they walked to their fourth hour (which they shared). "I love her she's my best friend but," Michael nods in understanding.

"You're allowed to not like something about your best friend," He assures, rolling his eyes at the suggestive looks his classmates gave when they walked arm in arm into the classroom.

He loved Brooke, but how many times would he have to tell people he didn't like women for them to stop trying to force them together?

"I wanna talk to her about it, she shit talks everyone at least a little bit. Jenna, Madeline, _you_ , which I very dislike," Brooke sits and with a huff blows a lock of blonde hair out of her face. "I don't like her when she shit talks the people I'm friends with."

"If Jeremy did that I'd talk to him about it?" He shrugs, sitting beside her and pulling out his folder.

"So, about Jeremy, him and Christine seem pretty happy," She says.

If Michael didn't know her so well he would've fallen for this. "Brooke, I don't like him anymore," He pleads, only half lying. His feeling definitely weren't as strong as they used to be, but he still felt a linger of pain when he held Christine's hand.

"Well, How about you and Rich?" She wiggles her eyebrows. "I see the smiles Mik, I see 'm!"

Michael's cheeks flushed a deep crimson, avoiding her eyes.

"I don't know what you're talking about," He quietly grunted. "Listen, I don't know about my feelings for Rich right now, and to be honest I'm not ready for a relationship."

Brooke's eyes look understanding which Michael is thankful for. Her face looks almost solemn.

"You can always talk to me Michael, and Rich, Jeremy, all the other boys can wait." She pats his hand. "Take some time for yourself,"

Michael grins at her. "When did you get so smart?"

They share a smile and turn to face the front as the teacher wanders in.

* * *

 

Christine drums her fingers on the cafe table as she speaks, her eyes focused on the ceiling and a grin plastered on her face.

She was gorgeous no doubt, lip gloss sheened as she ranted and her eye liner looked perfect as always.

"So, Anyway what do you think?"

Oh.

He wasn't paying attention to her words. Oops.

He adored Christine no doubt, but he always felt like he had to try to not say anything too wrong, which was exhausting.

When he spent time with her he was always so happy, but afterwards.. he was so drained.

"I'm sorry Chris I kind of zoned out," He confessed, and he was thankful when her face turned concerned rather than angry.

"Are you feeling alright Jer?" Her eyebrows furrowed and he stood, holding out his hand for her to take it

When she did, he answered.

"Mostly, I think I'm just tired- emotionally I mean," He laughs sort of awkwardly and she nods as they walk out of the cafe.

"Understandable. I have a lot of stuff to work on so I'm gonna head home," He worried he does something wrong until she smiled, leaning up and pecking his cheek. They smile and say their goodbyes and part ways to their respective cars.

While Jeremy drives home, he sighs and his mind wanders. Why is he feeling so reluctant? He's been perusing Christine for so long, and now that he has her, it's so _exhausting_ being in a relationship.

Frankly, he's never been in one before, and he's no Jake Dillinger, so he didn't know what to do.

He sighs, pulling into his driveway and resting his forehead on the steering wheel.

* * *

 

"You know Jake? Life is fuckin wild," Rich murmurs, and his friend laughs in response.

"Shit bro, you right."

Maybe it was because they were stoned,or because Rich was incredibly tired, but he wanted to talk about _feelings_.

"I have a crush on Mell," He says simply, and Jake sat up from where he was laying on his bed. "It's nothin' big, just like, he has a nice face and laugh n all."

Jake fills one of his cheeks with air and puffs it out.

"Are you gonna like.. ask him out or something?" He mumbled. Rich laughs.

"Nah, If I ever do It'll be when he's fully over Heere, Right now, we're both.. occupied with other shit,"

Jake nods slowly.

"Let's go get snacks," He stands, changing the subject quickly.

Jake had displayed many signs of liking boys as well as girls, but many instances such as Michael saying ' _God I'm so gay,'_ Jake would awkwardly laugh and respond with a ' _can't relate i'm straight!'_

No one was going to rush him though. They understood how hard it was. 

"Snacks it is,"

* * *

 

"Chlo?" Jenna mumbles, looking at herself in the mirror of the store.

They went shopping for the pool party they planned, because Jenna didn't have a swim suit tht worked with her being Trans yet.

Chloe's head shoots up from her phone, a small hum radiating off of her.

"Does this look okay?"

Jenna had found a cyan colored one peice that made her look pretty feminine.

She has been on estrogen for about two years, but no surgeries had happened yet. Chloe smiled.

"Of course Jen, you look lovely, now come on and buy it so we can get outta here and pick Brooke up for ice cream,"

Jenna nodded. Her and Chloe didn't always get along, they fought and sometimes didn't see eye to eye, but it _was_ Chloe Valentine.

She knew Chloe talked bad about her sometimes, and that did hurt, but at the same time Jenna was just glad to have her advice.

"Yeah, Yeah I'll buy it," She goes to the dressing room to take it off.

Maybe this 'party' would be better than anyone could think.

**Author's Note:**

> hiya!! if you either enjoyed this/want to see more, please leave a kudos or even better a comment. those are what actually give me motivation to write. thank you !!


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